John Morgan Newsletter – S P A C E S

RIGHT & WRONG vs. PREFERENCE

Right and wrong as a way of thinking causes many unnecessary problems that can be avoided if we opt for the word “preference” instead. Right and wrong are cultivated by culture and even within that culture there are disagreements about what is right and what is wrong. The world of right and wrong is a sticky wicket because there are so many versions of right and wrong. The word "preference" personalizes something and helps you take ownership of your position on something instead of hiding behind the apron of mother culture.

If you tell someone they are wrong about something, there is an immediate wall built between you and them. No one likes being wrong. When you say, “I’m right,” the immediate implication is the other person is wrong. Notice what happens if you say to someone, “I believe your information is inaccurate” vs. telling him or her they are wrong. You’ve done two things by saying that.

1. You have put the onus on the information, not them.
2. You have used a high school word vs. a parental judgment word that has been carrying negative baggage for you since before you were five.

That’s a nifty way around right and wrong and here’s another option.
Get into the habit of saying you have a preference for something instead of taking a cultural position of right or wrong on it. That immediately tells people you are not arguing the merits of right and wrong and it also demonstrates ownership of the preference. You may have a specific way of doing things that other people do much differently.

Let’s pretend you have a specific idea about how to raise children. You instinctively know other people have other ideas. If you declare you have the right way or the best way to bring up children, you are going to set up a polarity response with many people. Notice what happens if you say you have a preference of bringing up your children the way you do. This gives credence to other ways of doing things without you having to defend being right. Having a preference will give you more flexibility without having to abandon or defend your way of doing things.

ACCEPTANCE

Take a moment to think about this next statement. ACCEPT EVERYTHING. You really don’t have another choice. When you accept everything, you give yourself the gift of present moment awareness. When you deny acceptance, you get into the illusionary world of “this isn’t really happening” and get locked in the past or the imagined future that won’t help you deal with what’s right in front of you. For example, if you are overweight, accept it. If you have a poor self-image accept it. I didn’t say like it or don’t do anything about it. I recommend you accept it. If you don’t accept it, you deny it exists and this will have you holding on to the denial that is an impediment to your growth. If someone’s behavior is bothersome to you, accept it. Once you accept that it is happening, you will be in a much better place to help muster the resources you need to address whatever it is that needs addressing.

Acceptance is the opposite of resistance. When you resist what is happening, you lock yourself in place. It isn’t the situation that causes you pain, it’s your resistance to it that is painful. So the bigger question is, “Who is causing the pain?” The answer is obvious. It’s you and your resistance. Accept everything that happens to you because you don’t have a choice. Once you accept, then, get curious about what to do next. Like all the input I offer you, don’t believe it or disbelieve it until you can validate it for yourself.

The key to improving your Self Image is this: Accept what's in the mirror
and you've taken the first step.